My mum was somewhat of a comedian. Her comedy was dipped in her philosophical sayings so we would always laugh at such sayings even if her message sinks down and disarms or empowers you. For every situation, she had those wise nuggets to describe them comically but profoundly. Today we all daily recall and recreate her sayings either to teach, applaud, scold, admonish or just have a laugh. She was a woman of few words and very rarely got into arguments.
From her I got the idea of thoroughly evaluating who you want to get into an argument with to avoid wasting your time and energy. To her, there are individuals you must NEVER argue with because they might be too self-conceiting and ignorant to even understand the issues let alone argue intelligently and coherently on most topics.
And so, for her sons and all the extended family boys she raised to be men in the family, she always, always warned against marrying the ‘weta ka elie’ women. In those three words were encased the lazy, unintelligent, dependent and selfish always feeling entitled women. She said those type of women are incapable of showing genuine love. Everything is always about them and their comfort so they merely come to you as an ATM and are very parasitic.
So she talked to them about the qualities to look for in women because she said that most women are very manipulative of men to the detriment of any valuable relationship. She did not mean there were any perfect humans but she felt that there must be a human benchmark and there are values individuals must espouse for the good of society. Empathy and kindness predisposes us all to seeking the good of others.
Today, most of those women are the loquacious Social media ‘warriors’ who use every opportunity to twist the idea of feminism to an umbrella to hide their misandrist tendencies. They are the ‘princesses’ that men must toil for, they often do not engage in any productive work but want all the luxury that men can provide. In a way, they feel their body is enough investment.
They have contempt for, hatred of and prejudice against men. So you hear them call all men scum, dogs, pimps and all such names that demean men and box them into sexual predators. They are quick to recruit others of similar mindset for mob action at the slightest excuse. They enjoy the chorus of their ilk. No action from any man at home, in the street or anywhere is good enough. To them, their being women should provide a free pass, that should open all doors to all possibilities.
The danger in these type of women is the cocktail of manipulative attitudes. They revel in false gender justice and equity rhetoric but never lift a finger to do any positive or productive work to lift the girl child or women generally. They turn the tables against men. Everything is about their comfort but even then, they are never happy or fully satisfied. Their demand is endless and roping in men at the slightest opportunity is their talisman. Some of them physically and emotionally abuse men but cleverly play the victim because most men are considered guilty by default. They know the society often do not dig in too deep to unearth the facts.
Recently, Mary, the amputee ‘hawker’ played that card even though subtly. In her stories, she claimed the father of her daughter ran away with a donation of five hundred thousand naira and her phone. That angle of the story even though eventually found to be made up was her taking the societal judgments about men too far. She knew the street narrative about some exploitative men and quickly added that bit to get sympathy and she did get the sympathy before her story was found to be false. The socialization about men and their behaviour has led to the death and prison terms of many innocent men across the globe.
Granted she is living with disability and somehow the system had failed her but she was old enough to know that honesty is always the best policy. But no, she wanted to expediently demonize men in her narrative. I had started pushing for the state to prosecute the man for emotional abuse and fraudulent behaviour but alas, Mary even in her disability is not immune to the societal hype against men who by the way are not being painted as saints here before anyone would read what I haven’t written.
The pseudo ‘feminist’ lynch mob are the ones that blackmail men over sexual assault. They are the ones that go into relationships and expect automatic commitment from men. They often allege sexual assault immediately their monetary and material demands are not met by the men in question. They often get into relationships willingly and expect the man to bleed to death caring for them and the moment any man pushes back, they look for any blackmail material because already there is the conclusion that the man must be wrong.
Make no mistakes about it, there are genuine cases of broken commitments in relationships but today, we are focusing on misandrists who hide under feminism to falsely accuse men of any misdemeanor just because society has socialized them to see the man as a serial abuser who can never love genuinely or be kind.
However, on the flip side, many men are enablers of these misandrists. They make them believe a woman should not make any efforts to earn a living. They often invest in the physical. They ogle over the decorated outside possibly for sexual gains but somewhere along the line things always fall apart.
Parents have a role to play in the values their children grow up with because that is at the core of the choices they make in life. Some parents are enablers of both misogynistic and misandrist behaviours. There is failure in parenting on both sides of the wall. Most parents raise their boys to be the ATM for some fairy ladies as they put pressure raising boys as ‘providers’ while girls are raised to sit back and ‘enjoy’ the provisions by men. These women walk about with warped entitlement mentality. They are as selfish as they are insensitive. Only their welfare matters, they trade on sex and blackmail. They usually have no love fir anyone including the men that sustain them.
Too many men are in unspoken emotional hell holes that eat away at their lives and mental well being. Some either turn to alcohol, drugs or other socially negative habits or even die.. It is time for us all to begin to change the narratives.Objectivity and truth must guide our assessment of behaviors of both men and women. The mistrust and emotionally manipulative behaviours can be cubbed when the system begins to investigate and punish human opportunists on both sides of the aisle. Women must equally realize justice and equity are not gender sensitive. We must call out narcissistic women abusing men just because they can hide under a feminism philosophy they know nothing about.